press play and watch me fall apart;

So i haven’t posted on here in a while, and i guess thats because ive been thinking, a lot. and lately i just feel, well worthless - i feel like everyone is just sicking of me singing the same damn song about how i have these empty feelings, and how i just wish i were dead. i guess they just dont understand that its all i think about, its what i carry with me everyday.    i guess there hoping that this is all just a fad and things will go back to be the same, but the thing is.. there never were good times for me, only masks. 

and just yesterday i was walking with two boys, one in whom i had just met that night, and the other i have met twice before, they kept calling me a ray of sunshine, the person who brings out the best in everyone, someone who just glows and has a sparkle to them. and it hurt inside because i knew that they coudnt see the real me, and so we began to talk about me views, how i had been sent to mental hospitals, my love of self torture, and they were so disturbed .. they had no idea that such a small person could be harboring all of theses emotions and feelings… 

but thats the thing, no one does..